2016.07.24 The Sun
They don’t even get to reveal their faces or speak until they have been whittled down to the last two.
Just one minute in to the shockingly explicit show, which starts tonight, and SIX penises fill the screen, followed by boobs, balls, bum and what C4 bedfellows The Inbetweeners described as “clunge”.
Naked Attraction is set to make Take Me Out look like a prim Jane Austen novel and Blind Date like Brief Encounter.
Yet it sets itself up not as some titillating fleshfest riding roughshod over the boundaries of decency, but as a SCIENTIFIC experiment.
C4 states: “In an increasingly complicated dating world, some evolutionary psychologists and sexual scientists believe that our bodies alone may still project the best information for us to select a successful partner.”
Host Anna Richardson, current squeeze of The Great British Bake Off host Sue Perkins, says: “As someone who has loved men and women, I fully appreciate the bits that boing and bounce on both sexes.”
Anna and a fully-clothed dater looking for love stand in front of six differently coloured Perspex boxes each containing a naked love match.
The front of the box is slowly raised from the bottom to reveal each match’s legs and genitals, their torsos and heads remaining obscured.
First up is music producer Aina, 32, who says: “When guys are fully- clothed they have different styles that sometimes they can hide behind.
“I’m interested in seeing them in their birthday suits, just as they are.”
Self-confessed party animal Aina — who thinks men are “intimidated” by her full-on approach to life — and Anna then giggle as they inspect the privates on parade, deciding which men to discard.
And there is a lot to look at. One contestant, Matty, has an elephant head tattooed around his long penis and he also has a prosthetic leg.
Another has very long testicles or, as Anna delicately puts it: “The bells hang lower than the rope.”
The long and the short of pubic hair is a big talking point too.
After deciding which member to discard, the Perspex wall is lifted higher. Aina, who says she’s looking for a “best mate who is also good in bed”, gets to see the torsos and discards another man, before being allowed to see the final four’s faces.
So far, so awkward. Luckily, Anna fills any silent moments with educational facts — like why women prefer girth to length — with cringey graphics which are in some ways more explicit than the naked bodies.
After the third man is rejected based on looks alone, Aina gets to actually hear the others speak then sends another one home.
With two naked men before her, it’s only fair that Aina strips off as well. They appraise her body and she chooses who to go off with.
Predictably, the show is weighted in favour of the well-endowed and it’s obvious how much the men like her. Happily, Aina picks fast enough to avoid an embarrassing situation.
Next the pair put their clothes on to go on an actual date which is filmed. They do seem well suited and comfortable with each other.
Is it because they got the embarrassing bit out of the way early on, or are they both just camera-loving exhibitionists? You decide.
Next up is bisexual lingerie designer and masseuse Mal, who has three men and three women to choose from.
If you think there is less to say about female genitals prepare to be informed — with the help of Anna, Mal finds plenty of words to describe her preferences. The no-holds-barred discussions on this show would make Madonna blush.
Mal has come with euphemisms aplenty to help her say exactly what she does and doesn’t like. She describes one candidate as “very Botticelli” before giving them the heave-ho. Well, it makes a change from, “It’s not you, it’s me”.
She rejects one well-endowed fella as “too intimidating”, leaving him to lament: “If she’d got to know me she’d know I’m the kindest most gentlest person there is, so that wouldn’t be a problem.”
Well, that’s the nature of the show.
Soon it is female breasts versus male torsos and Anna pops up with another amazing fact — people with lots of moles can have a delayed ageing process making them seem seven years younger. Who knew?
Other interesting titbits include Italian accents being the sixth most datable, with the British accent being the sexiest of them all.
Nearly all the ditched contestants take rejection well, except one devastated man who looks close to tears. Another reject describes the show as a “confidence boost”.
After whittling her suitors down to the final two, Mal also strips off and her potential dates admire her boobs and delight in being right about guessing her pubic hair arrangements.
After deciding that one looks too much like her ex she walks off with the other, holding his hand. Mal’s date also seems to go well.
Her suitor tells the camera she’s pleased with how they’ve got on, saying: “Having seen each other naked makes it a lot more interesting when you go on your first date.
“I wasn’t insecure that she was judging my body parts — she’s already seen all my body parts.”
The nudity is incredibly explicit and risks many viewers regretting their decision to upgrade to HD.
It also leaves you wondering what normal body hair looks like, while making a mental note never to watch the show with your parents, kids or indeed any other family members.
Oddly, the most revealing part is when the two pairs meet two weeks later to discuss their dates.
Their body language leave s viewers in no doubt about how they got on — and our daters are at last, fully exposed.
